Jokes
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Any similarity to persons living or dead is entirely co-incidental. Only the names have been changed to protect the guilty!
Any similarity to persons living or dead is entirely co-incidental. Only the names have been changed to protect the guilty!
Q: What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?
A: A tattoo.
Q:How can you tell when there is a percussionist knocking at your door?
A:The knocking gets louder and quicker, and they don't know when to come in.
Q: Did you hear about the time the bass player locked his keys in the car?
A: Yeah, it took two hours to get the drummer out.
Q: What is another term for trombone?
A: A wind driven, manually operated, pitch approximator.
Q:Definition of a bar line?
A: A gathering of bass players at a popular drinking establishment.
Q:What do you do with a horn player that can’t play?
A;Give him two sticks, put him in the back and call him a percussionist.
Q:What do you do if he can’t do that?
A:Take away one of the sticks, put him upfront and call him a conductor.
Q:What's the range of an Eb Bass?
A:Twenty yards if you've got a good arm!
Q:What is the difference between second cornet and third cornet?
A: Usually about two bars!
Brass Band Personnel - Click Here
The Archetypal Brass Band - Click Here
And one for the kids amongst us :
Homer Simpson's version of Doe Ray Me:
Dough: the stuff that buys my beer
Ray: the man that sells me beer
Me: the one that drinks my beer
Far: a long way to my beer
So: I think I'll have a beer
La: la la la la la beer
Tea: no thanks I'm drinking beer
That will bring us back to "DOH"!
A: A tattoo.
Q:How can you tell when there is a percussionist knocking at your door?
A:The knocking gets louder and quicker, and they don't know when to come in.
Q: Did you hear about the time the bass player locked his keys in the car?
A: Yeah, it took two hours to get the drummer out.
Q: What is another term for trombone?
A: A wind driven, manually operated, pitch approximator.
Q:Definition of a bar line?
A: A gathering of bass players at a popular drinking establishment.
Q:What do you do with a horn player that can’t play?
A;Give him two sticks, put him in the back and call him a percussionist.
Q:What do you do if he can’t do that?
A:Take away one of the sticks, put him upfront and call him a conductor.
Q:What's the range of an Eb Bass?
A:Twenty yards if you've got a good arm!
Q:What is the difference between second cornet and third cornet?
A: Usually about two bars!
Brass Band Personnel - Click Here
The Archetypal Brass Band - Click Here
And one for the kids amongst us :
Homer Simpson's version of Doe Ray Me:
Dough: the stuff that buys my beer
Ray: the man that sells me beer
Me: the one that drinks my beer
Far: a long way to my beer
So: I think I'll have a beer
La: la la la la la beer
Tea: no thanks I'm drinking beer
That will bring us back to "DOH"!
Caption Competition - Click Here
The Banking Crisis simply explained...
Young Paddy bought a donkey from a farmer for £100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day..
The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news. The donkey's died.'
Paddy replied, 'Well then just give me my money back.' The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I've already spent it.'
Paddy said, 'OK, then, just bring me the dead donkey.' The farmer asked, 'What are you going to do with him?'
Paddy said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.' The farmer said, 'You can't raffle a dead donkey!'
Paddy said, 'Sure I can. Watch me.. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'
A month later, the farmer met up with Paddy and asked, 'What happened with that dead donkey?'
Paddy said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two pounds a piece and made a profit of £898'
The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?' Paddy said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two pounds back.'
Paddy now works in a well-known high street bank
Young Paddy bought a donkey from a farmer for £100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day..
The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news. The donkey's died.'
Paddy replied, 'Well then just give me my money back.' The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I've already spent it.'
Paddy said, 'OK, then, just bring me the dead donkey.' The farmer asked, 'What are you going to do with him?'
Paddy said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.' The farmer said, 'You can't raffle a dead donkey!'
Paddy said, 'Sure I can. Watch me.. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'
A month later, the farmer met up with Paddy and asked, 'What happened with that dead donkey?'
Paddy said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two pounds a piece and made a profit of £898'
The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?' Paddy said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two pounds back.'
Paddy now works in a well-known high street bank